unofficial grad speech

I graduate high school on friday. Let me say it again, I GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL ON FRIDAY.
Graduation is sure to be a blast. I cant WAIT to sit for two hours, listening to kids that did really well in school, address us kids that did really awful in school.

Yeah, I'm a little bitter on the subject. Cause, I WANT TO SPEAK AT GRADUATION. Is that so wrong? Apparently you need to have "good grades" and "potential" and "admirable qualities" and apparently I lack all of those things. Whatever. I'd freaking kill a grad speech. Yeah, sure I had an unfavorable grade point average, SO WHAT I studied for maybe one test in all three years of high school combined. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons in high school that will greatly benefit the class of 2015, and the future of THS. Well, administration had another thing coming when they denied me of speaking rights. Little did they know I have a BLOG. With 18 FOLLOWERS! I'll show them!

So by reading this, you are helping me fight the system. Youre essentially assisting me in "sticking it to the man" just by clicking on the link that brought you here! You little rebel. So here are some life lessons I learned throughout high school, that will help you in your next chapter of life. My unofficial:

"Graduation Speech"
-The first one is one of the most important lessons, that I had to learn the hard way. Never set an alarm to a good song. That song will be ruined for the rest of your life. The end. No questions asked. No exceptions.

-The fastest way to make friends at THS is to compliment one's "instagram aesthetic." or simply a "retweet of a selfie." its the unsaid but very effective,"woah did we just become friends? i think we just became friends."

On that note, the fastest way to make enemies is to sarcastically film a snapchat saying youre the "prettiest girl in school." Shout out to Ben Ostler, you sweet, aggressive, angsty teen.

Making eye contact with Murphy (our principal)  as you're trying to ditch an assembly, is equivalent to making eye contact with kindergartners as you drive past their lemonade stand. don't do it. (also... take the 800 hall.  no one ever guards that one.)

If youre going to crash a Mountain View dance, make sure Paul Kim is out of sight. Homeboy totally blew our cover at sadie's last year. "Aw look who it is, the little rich white girls from Timpanogos! You guys are crashing our dance aren't you?"

- In relation to that piece of advice, if Mountain View cheerleaders are out for blood, and point you out to the cops, the best method of escape is to be in the middle of a large "moving mosh pit." You just jump up and down, gravitating towards the back door and run like the wind, as soon as you get out. (if you had any part in that escape plan, it means a lot to me. i'll thank you in my oscar speech someday.)

- Lesson number #7: When given a flour baby, always keep it in the Kardashian family.

High school is where you get insecure about walking past a group of teenagers, even though you, yourself are a teenager. This is inevitable, I have no advice to offer here, sorry.

Fake it til you make it. this applies when you wake up and realize you have to take the ACT, and you haven't ever picked up a study book. This applies when you want to go to Kanye's concert, so you have to convince your mom that he "sensors" his shows. Faking it til you make it, is using a fake report card so you can get free donuts at Krispy Kreme. This is the motto. Know it, Live it, Love it.

Go to class. Or you'll suffer death by ARC ladies. Although, ARC isn't so bad. After 30+ hours in the attendance office, they actually grew to like me a little bit. Tears were shed on my last morning of detention. They gave me a candy bar. It was cool. is my SIDECHICK. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you.

- no boy is worth waking up early to look cute for. Except Dean Smith tbh

- Teachers can be lame. (this isn't over DonaLee Eisenhart) But they can also be awesome. Ms. Widfeldt let me leave class early when I got the news that Zayn left the band. She restored my faith in the education program.

- Line crossing at spirit bowl results in the most LEGENDARY MOMENT OF SPIRIT BOWL HISTORY. Long live the juniors of 2014. 

Sleeping with your shoes/backpack on gives you a good ten extra minutes of sleep.

never speak wrongly of Beyonce. Apparently the "beehive" will murder you in cold blood if you disrespect the queen.

There is still no polite way to tell someone to chew their gum quietly. Sorry.

Pick good friends. Pick friends that willingly sing the National Anthem when you sign them up, without telling them, two minutes before the first home game of the year. (Hailey, Tristen, Court, youre all legends. I bow down to you. Also, youre terrible singers.)

-I've learned that the only good thing about having a consecutively awful DJ for all three years of high school, is that they play a lot of one direction. You can't really twerk to "What Makes You Beautiful" but you can lip sync harry's solo while half the gym bows down to you. (the single greatest moment of my entire life.)

You will attend the same high school for three years, and still not know how to spell Timpanogos without singing the catchy song. T-I-M-P-A-N-O-G-O-S, TIMP (clap clap clap clap clap) ANOGOS (clap clap clap) YEA. (the fact that this isn't a hook on an R&B song yet, is ridiculous. someone call yeezus.)

All those things are important of course, but it wasn't until recently, towards the very end of my senior year that I realized the most important lesson.

 In case you've never met me before, I'm the type of person to make a great big emotional scene about pretty much everything. I'm the type of girl to give a tearful tribute at the funeral of my brothers dead hamster that I pet maybe 3 times in it's life. I've read the Harry Potter series more times than I can remember, and yet, every time, I throw myself into fantastic sobs when Dumbledore dies. I even cried when Michael Jackson died. Yeah, dead serious. like a baby. (so just try to imagine how I reacted when Zayn left the band)

When someone dies, last words often become historical, monumental, even. Because, I mean, whats more dramatic than the last words you leave with humanity?

(oh come on, that chapter messed you UP in seventh grade)

The point is, we mourn over death. -real and fictional. (Mcdreamy, you shall not die in vain!)

And then we plaster the faces of our loved ones in newspapers, news feeds, news stands even, in hope of adequately remembering a great life. (I can only imagine the state of our world when Beyonce leaves us.)

But why not.. now?

What would life be if it wasn't remembered or celebrated?

Weeks ago, a friend asked me that annoying question "If you were handed a book about your life, would you skip to the end?"

And realistically, I said yes, because of that one time I fast forwarded all of season 6 to find out who Gossip Girl was.

But today, I realized that I would be too busy re-reading all of my favorite chapters to worry about whether or not Jimmy Fallon and I end up married.

And so as my last week as a high schooler, I am "re reading." I am reminiscing. I am getting way sentimental and stuff, and I feel like it's well deserved.

And so, I leave you with this last tip. Ned's declassified school survival guide, probably helped you alot, but this one is going to SAVE YOU.

Celebrate life. right now.


*drops mic*
*falls off stage*

thanks mom for whitening my teeth an abnormal amount on my graduation announcement..... youre cute.

thanks mom for whitening my teeth an abnormal amount on my graduation announcement..... youre cute.