@SocialMediaProbs

 

Blogs are for thoughts that twitter can't contain, so I have turned to my dear online public diary to spill some thoughts to my loyal followers.

 (Mom, Courtney, Chloe, Zack Johnson on occasion)

This is something that I think about in HEAVY detail, in those weird moments where you contemplate life and the issues of mankind. (We all do it. In the shower, right before bed, or if you're me, it's when you're on the B3 rotation at the Lindon Pool, but whatever, you all know what I'm talking about)

I finally decided to blog about it, because honestly I have some valid points and above anything else, I just need to get this off my chest. (You'd think I've just killed a man, but I'm actually just venting about likes and favorites)

Social Media has completely taken over our generation. If youre a girl that's my age, there's a good 80% chance you have an album on Facebook filled with over filtered pictures you edited on "picnic" from seventh grade. - or since deleted it, but none the less, it happened.  

Long gone are the days when posting Taylor Swift lyrics to your status update was socially acceptable, or "poking" your crush was a flirting phenomenon. Now, a new form of flirtation has emerged. The romantic "slide into the DM" is a technique that is deeply sought after in this day and age.

I am assuming most of you are up to date on the lingo of the time, considering you are reading a blog. Anyhow, I'll be considerate of a potential "older crowd" and do you the favor of explaining the ins and outs of Social Media in general, so you can post like a pro.

Let's start with the Social Slang, you might use around the "cool kids":

Booty Had Me Like

because having a nice "booty" is the most important quality to possess as a young lady in 2014

 

Live Tweet

Prove to your followers you actually hang out with people and you actually do cool things with this popular hashtag!

 

MCM & WCW

Man Candy Monday, and Woman Crush Wednesday. This is a flirting skill adolescent boys depend on. It's an excuse to post a picture of an attractive human, in hopes of "getting some" later on. Zac Efron or Zoe Lazerson may be familiar faces on your twitter feed on these given days.

 

Sliding Into Yo DMs

Another flirtation device which usually involves straight white boys initiating "20 questions" with another female. Occurs on twitter.

 

Bae

"before anyone else" or if you're basic, you probably thought it was a "ghetto word for babe." Used in a sentence: "Gotta bae or nah?" "When bae texts first" "come get it bae" and others. It's slang. It's cool??

 

HBD

Habby Birthday. a popular hashtag used in birthday shoutouts. Some might use it for sentimental value. Most use it to caption a pic collage of them and the birthday girl/boy (but mostly them) 

 

TBT

Throwback thursday. A hashtag used to "throwback" to a good time, to post a baby picture, or if you're a girl you probably use it for that time you had a really good photo shoot.

 

Selfie Sunday

It's become so rare to be self confident in posting pictures of yourself, but on Sunday. That's a different story. Sunday is the day where the photo shoot headshots from up the canyon come out to see the world. Or it's just another excuse to post a good picture of yourself.

 

Do it for the vine

Peer pressure... For lack of better words.

 

Adventures

A Utah norm. Typically involves 2+ girls with at least one photographer and at least one canon rebel t3i, locations vary from squaw peak, Sundance and Utah lake. Used in a sentence: "oh darling let's be adventurers" & "who wants to go adventuring with me today!"

 

Subtweet

A tweet generally used by girls unleashing their teenage angst, via tweet, without actually tagging the fugly slut that made her feel so annoyed that a subtweet was even neccesary.

 

Confession Tweet

This flirting device is widely used for shy boys to tell a girl she's hot, without the face to face confrontation. A social breakthrough!

Now that you know how to talk like a seventeen year old twitter obsessed kid, you need to learn the rules. YES! There's rules! Unbelievable, right? And no, we're not talking terms and conditions here. Let's review.

 

THE RULES OF SOCIAL MEDIA

1. You may not double post on Instagram. How RUDE of you to make your followers see more than one picture of you on their feed.

2. You cannot follow a lot of people. Good heavens, do you want to look desperate?? Your social status will only peak once you have a favorable "follower" to "following" ratio.

3. Snapchat stories MUST be under 30 seconds. Please be considerate of other lives around you. Stop being selfish and learn to control your social sharing.

4. Along those lines, you absolutely must limit yourself to 15 or so tweets a day. People can't stand others who tweet too much. And honestly, how dare you use what twitter was intended for, and tweet your thoughts? 

5. You cannot, make your boyfriend your MCM every week. It's so annoying already that you're in a relationship but even more so that you have to remind everyone about it! Keep your happiness to yourself!

6.Don't post too many selfies. Ladies, we have a reputation to uphold so obviously we can't look too full of ourselves!!!!

7. Refrain from posting about anything that makes you happy. You like the 1975? Hipster. You want to go into photography? Basic. You have a boyfriend? Keep it to yourself. Geez, social media is not the place to post about life's joys and your personal preferences. Keep it in your journal.

_________________

Cool, awesome. Did you write that down? We good? Great. Now last and finally, I'm here to help you out. Social media is far from perfect, SORRY mark zuckerberg (Remember Facebook??) but I am here to solve all of the (cyber) worlds problems for you. In list form, clearly.

 

Problem #1

You haaaaate people that double post on Instagram.

Solution: scroll past lil homie

 

Problem #2

You cant STAND watching someone's snapchat story that's longer than 30 seconds!!

Solution: don't watch it

 

Problem #3

Your friend tweets too much but you don't want to 'unfollow her' (ULTIMATE betrayal, I guess)

Solution: MUTE BUTTON, SON

 

Problem #4

"This girl posts way too many selfies"

Solution: don't be a douche

 

Problem #5 

"She only posts pictures of her boyfriend"

Solution: Jackson Dunford is the hottest man alive, so I'll do whatever I dang well please.

In conclusion, you guys... Stop making people feel bad about posting things that make them happy or whatever. Social media can be way rad. Right? People always talk about how you're so stuck up if you care about how many likes you get or how many followers you have:

I don't know about you, but my self esteem is raised by x17383950 when I get ONE like on a picture I posted. Let's say you average 150 likes on instagram.

Now think of those numbers as actual people standing infront of you saying 

"hey this is a cool picture, you're a cool person."

Now tell me you don't care about "likes".

Social media connects you to the coolest people, too. I would never have met some of my best friends if it weren't through the internet! (Sounds creepy. I swear I'm not meeting all my friends from the internet, mom)

Ellen, you probably wouldn't have gone to the one direction concert if we didn't have that miraculous twitter bond. And Courtney, we probably wouldn't even be friends, if we couldn't screenshot dumb pictures to send to each other. 

So like I said, social media is COOL. Okay it's freaking dope, but we have to stop being total losers who are so concerned and annoyed with how often people post or what they post. Am I right ladies?????????

And if this post offended you, and you are genuinely bothered by excessive tweeters, double posters & frequent selfie takers... Then

Solution: go read a book.