Tender Mercies

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Tender Mercies

I 100 percent post too much about Jackson, and that's okay because you guys are all really nice and cool about it, haha. 

I have this frick good blog post in the works for jack that Ill post later in the week, but I had to share with you peeps the latest events that occurred because they were WILD. So bear with me while Jackson takes over my bloggy for a couple of days. He totally deserves it.

So he left this morning, and is on his way to Mexico as we speak. So dang proud of that boy, let me tell you, but that's not what I'm talking about today. I actually had some crazy miracle type of stuff happen to me this morning that I want to share with you guys.

J's flight left at 7:15 and missionary protocol is to be there 2 hours early. So 5:15. Which meant leaving Jackson's house at 4:45 and for me that meant leaving my house at like 4:15

I'm talking A.M. people! It was so early. It physically hurt me to get up. I woke up at 4:30 after my alarm had been ringing for a half hour. My worst nightmare. I was so late.

I hurried and hopped in my car grabbing the letter I wrote for Jackson to read on the airplane. My gas tank was empty, so I went to fill it up before I left to the aiport.

Okay major confession tweet right here, until last night I didn't know how to fill my car with gas. YES I KNOW IM THE MOST PATHETIC HUMAN SINCE AMANDA BYNES. The thing is Jackson just drove us everywhere and I didn't have a car until like 3 weeks ago and he would always just do it for me. Are we done laughing? Okay cool.

So it wasn't too hard to figure out, but I couldn't get it to work. 100% honest I had to ask the cashier at the gas station for help. I'm seventeen years old & I'm completely worthless. I'm laughing now, but at the time It was pure tragedy.

Here I am at 4:30 in the morning in my pajamas crying Kim Kardashian tears because I don't know how to fill my car up with gas. 

I finally figured it out. And off I went. Before I got on state street, I stopped to think if I forgot anything. I fumbled around looking for the letter I wrote jack, and it was no where to be found. I seriously did not have time for this. I stopped the car and looked EVERYWHERE. Meanwhile the satanic eyelash glue from a couple days ago was legit seeping into my eyes because I was crying so hard. For reals, you've never seen a meltdown like this.

I flipped around and went back home, telling Jackson's fam to just go without me and I would just meet them at the airport. I ran inside looking for the letter and after a good 10 minutes accepted the fact that I had to go, and I could send it to him later. 

When I was a kid, my favorite game on Disney channel was this that's so raven game where she's looking for Chelsea's term paper or something and using her phsycic abilities to help her find it. But you have to make all these decisions for her, and each time you make a bad decision you lose like 10 minutes of time. 

It was a real fun game until it happened to me in real life this morning.

Only, Chelsea's term paper was actually a love letter to my boyfriend who's moving across the country for two years but whatever.

I had to get on the road. So finally composed, I get in the car and turn the key. Car is dead. I am not even messing with you guys, it was dead! (Gasp please, so I know you get the intensity of the situation)

The noises I was making at that point would have gone viral on vine, I'm serious. I remember pleading out loud saying, 

"Please, please, please, Heavenly Father, please help me."

I had figured that this was a fast Sunday:

"I wouldn't feel right about myself today unless I got up and bore my testimony" kind of story waiting to happen. 

I thought that surely if I prayed about it, BAM! miracle, my car would work no doubt. But I tried, and it was still dead. 

I found the letter, but that wasn't the miracle I was looking for. 

My faith was shaken and I was so mad. I was so upset that my prayers weren't being answered. How could he let this happen to me? 

I went to my parents room heavily sobbing as if one direction had just performed at my birthday party. (My level of emotions has a wide range.)

My dad immediately got out of bed and ran downstairs to help me. He suggested we jumped my car, but we decided it would take to long. My moms car was empty on gas, so I took my dad's car which had a quarter tank.

Several times as we were outside in the rain, my dad asked me if I wanted him to take me. I said I would be fine, and each time, reassured him that I could do it on my own. So he gave me some money and his keys and I took his beat up truck out of there, and off I went.

I had a prompting just before entering the freeway to look at the gas. I looked down at the gauge and realized I would never make it to salt lake, because it was almost empty as well, despite what my dad had thought. I called him AGAIN. 

Guys, seriously at this point what was I supposed to do? I was tripping hard. Finally my dad asked me if I wanted him to take me, and I didn't hesitate to say yes. Within minutes he met me at the gas station and we took off for real this time.

It was 5:15 now. And poor Jackson was probably freaking out as bad as I was.

My dad kept preparing me for the worst as he does best, saying. "You have to be prepared for anything. It might not work, we might not get there in time, but you have to be okay with it." Being a total downer and such.

I decided right then that it was in the lords hands. If I made it there, I made it. If I didn't, it wasn't meant to be. I just had to trust in his plan and have faith that he would take care of me. About 5 minutes into our journey and we get hit with this crazy torrential downpour. I have never seen anything like it, seriously. Out of nowhere it started raining so incredibly hard. It was as if we were going through a car wash, that's how bad it was. Heaven straight up nominated earth to the good old ice bucket challenge. 

The windshield wipers couldn't keep up, and the lines on the freeway disappeared. You could hardly see the car infront of you, but I didn't for a second feel unsafe because, my dad was the one driving. The only thing I kept thinking of was, I could not have driven this on my own. I am the biggest scaredy cat when it comes to driving in storms and this was something that made me want to throw up, thinking about. 

What would have happened to me, if I decided to dismiss my dad's question one more time, and drive by myself?

I got a hint of an answer as we continued our drive and saw three or four accidents on the side of the highway. 

"That could have been me" I kept thinking. And then I realized that maybe Heavenly Father kept me at home for awhile. Maybe there was a reason I couldn't find the letter, or that my car died and that my dad's car decided to drain it's gas tank. Maybe he was saving me from something even worse. I thought back to an hour earlier where I sat in my car, begging out loud for help. Little did I know, he was helping me I just couldn't see the big picture.

I made it just in time to give Jackson a hug and a tearful "I love you," before he literally was whisked off into security, the last I would see him for two years. But I was so content, because I was able to say goodbye to him, and I was kept safe.


My dad asked me so many times if I wanted him to drive me to the airport that day and I refused help every time. I understood  that I also do that with my father in heaven, more than I realize. Sometimes we can't do it alone. Sometimes we need help from people who know what they're doing better than we do.

My dad knew the way to the aiport like the back of his hand. He drove us there faster and safer than I ever could have. And God knows my life like the back of his hand. He can lead me when I am unsure where I'm going.

I learned an important lesson today, besides the fact that missionary Jackson is SO HOT. And that lesson is that if we need Heavenly Father to drive us through a rainstorm, all we have to do is ask.