Sunday, August 3, 2014
My brother left on his mission, this past wednesday. Words could not describe the way I felt, watching my family hug for one last time, and wave goodbye to our oldest brother. Every sentimental feeling inside of me melted into a puddle and came pouring out of my eyes.
But to be honest, Im kinda sick of jake thinking he can steal all the attention...
Since the day I was BORN, it was always about jake. Was it a special day, that june morning when Indy Blue entered the world? Of course, it was the day little jakey became a brother!
Jake was the oldest, and so everything he did, was a first. I was the second, so it wasn't as cool when I started kindergarten, or won my first reflections,
In fact, winning reflections was such a big deal for me. I think I was in third grade, and the theme was "I wonder why"
So I entered a winning poem titled:
"I wonder why my brother always wins reflections"
Back in the day, when I could only manage to win a "participation ribbon" in the annual school district contest.
The excitement of the "Year of Jake Severe" has only been heightened since he put in his papers to serve an LDS mission. As if it wasn't already bad with my mom bawling on his "last first day of high school." We celebrated jake in all forms.
His birthday as a fresh adult.
His last basketball game.
His first basketball game.
His last Christmas at home.
His last St. Patricks day at home.
(Moms the sentimental type)
And of course it only multiplied when he received his call to Birmingham, England. Now don't get me wrong. I was here throughout it ALL. I was front row for the reading of the call, farewell, ordination, and final goodbye at the airport. Everyone is crying, and hugging, exchanging words of "You are such a great boy, jake, you'll do amazing things."
And I'm over here like, "Yeah, but what about the time when jake skinned the heads of my Barbie dolls on the speeding treadmill?
Are we forgetting about the time he ditched me at snowboarding camp when I was seven, forcing me to ride the ski lift with a bunch of thugs who left the BAR UP???
Come on, this is the guy who would strategically place LEGOS by the foot of our bunkbed in hopes I would wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink!"
No one seemed to hear me, or care for that matter. This was jakes moment, and now that it's gone and past and he is in another country without access to reading this blog post....
I'll tell you guys a secret.
Jake was the
MEANEST BROTHER EVER.
I'm talking worse than any brother sister rivalry in history.
WORSE than Chuck & Serena.
WORSE than Raven & Corey Baxter
WORSE than Matt & Lizzie McGuire
WORSE than Drake/Josh & Megan
WORSE than Rob and Kim Kardashian
And even worse than Louis & Ren Stevens. I'm serious.
I'm talking jake licking the Doritos and putting them back in the bag, mean. Evil, really.
This is the brother who steals my tweets directly out of my drafts, and gets credit for being clever & funny!
This is the brother who manages to steal my hairspray every morning despite my hiding places.
Jake is the brother who did THIS to my iTunes playlist.
And it wasn't always like this. Jake & I used to be friends. Partners in crime, even. My dad used to tell us stories every night about our alter egos, Jakie Bo, & Indy Maroe. Jake was a cowboy and I was a cowgirl, and we were the greatest crime fighting buddies you would ever find. Sometimes we were spies, and sometimes were boogie man hunters, but we took these stories into real life, and were real life best friends. For a period of time, I was only allowed to refer to jake as "Steve" (this was the stage when he wore his blues clues shirt every day for a month)
no matter where we were, or who we were with, we did everything together. But fate was waiting. It was probably destiny for jake & i, to become mortal enemies. And we started to hate each other, the way you fall asleep. Slowly, then all at once.
It started when we moved houses. Jake stopped letting me play night games with his new friends. Then it turned into jake not letting me go trick or treating with him, and then all together, Jakie Bo & Indy Maroe were done. The dynamic duo, finished. It was jakes favorite game to torment me, and to make me cry.
Once, jake stole my journal and revealed my undying love for Seth Pratte to all of his friends. I cried.
Once, he told me Troy Bolton was gay. I cried.
Once, jake and his friends tried to test me in my spelling skills making me spell & say swear words. I cried. After I got my mouth washed out with soap.
Once, he forced me to go on the "Big Jumps" at a ski resort. He told me I was good enough. This resulted in eight year old Indy, wiped out not even half way up the pipe, and getting run over by Olympic snowboarders. Meanwhile, jake has tears in his eyes from laughter. Me too. I cried.
And still, I worshiped him!
He was the one I ran up to in the lunch room in 8th grade, when some girl passed around a note informing everyone not to vote for me for student council. Tears in my eyes, I ran up to him telling him what had happened. He returned this with a pat on the back and a,
Eighth grade was a rough year all around. Eighth grade girls back then were different than they are today. We weren't confident, with thousands of Instagram followers, we were ugly! And jake made sure I knew my place because every argument we ever had ended in
"At least I have real teeth!"
That was a low blow, but not as low as later in the school year when he kissed Zoe Lazerson, MY BEST FRIEND. While I was upstairs getting a drink of water!
I sought revenge for years, and finally got it, you could say, because I have been dating his best friend for a good year now. But that's beside the point. The Zoe thing was the last straw, this was war.
I would plan come backs, weeks in advance. My moms advice, since I was six years old has always been, "just ignore him" but six years later and look where "just ignoring him" had got me! My most frequent google search was "best insults" & "how to win an argument"
And it didn't work well in my favor. Jake had perfected his craft throughout the years, and "your mom" jokes just weren't as effective in our case as I had hoped.
But then high school started. Oh, how the tables have turned. I will never forget the look on his face when I walked into josh marsh's basement one Friday night to hang out with some older boys. Jake and I were hanging out with the same people! This had to be the single greatest day of my life! I had been praying for this moment for years. Not a word was said to each other, but I was smiling ear to ear. I laughed the whole time, even when my dad came to pickboth of us up.
High school was as you would imagine. Silent car rides, and silent encounters when seeing each other in the hallway.
But high school taught me one thing. I had an epiphany one day. Jake was the funniest person I had ever met.
And I'd like to think we share the same humor due to our childhood of watching the Simpsons at grandmas house, or the countless hours we spent on YouTube watching stupid videos.
I realized my whole life, I had been striving for jakes approval. My dying wish to be to make my brother laugh. I looked back on our life and realized the times we got along, were the times we were laughing. Jake and I were comedy gold, at the dinner table making fun of luke. And I'm sorry, luke that you had the bad end of the stick, but because of you, and the fact that you are so incredibly weird, jake and I were able to mend our relationship.
Jake taught me that it was never too soon to make a holocaust joke, even though it totally is. Jake taught me the best times to make people laugh are in the most inappropriate times. Even though it totally isn't.
It brings me back to my favorite story of jake. My brother luke, had a hamster named Buddy. After a good run at the hamster wheel of life, buddy died one winter morning three or four years ago. We all gathered around buddy's burial. Luke was crying, bawling, actually, remembering how buddy was his best buddy. The spirit was soft and sweet, and all of our hearts were breaking for poor luke. My dad asked if anyone had any last words, in which jake responded,
"Bye buddy, I hope you find your dad"
Which made luke cry even harder, and me laughing harder than I ever had.
And those are the things I'll remember about jake. Even though, this was one of our final encounters,
And even though I could easily remember all of the times jake told me I had a weird taste in music and how I post too many pictures of Jackson, I am left with the memories of my brother running downstairs to my room at midnight, to show me a funny vine.
A couple weeks ago, I had come home for the night and sat at the computer, wasting my life away watching Harry Styles audition for X factor or something. Jake wandered in and took his usual spot at the kitchen counter, taking selfies, or tweeting, i dont know. The scene was familiar for a summer night, both of us in the kitchen after coming home for curfew. However, on most nights, words were hardly exchanged, unless it was a "Hey I was on there first."
This time was different. Jake called me over to look at a vine and before I knew it, it had been a half hour. Jake asked me about my day and we spent a good fifteen minutes just catching up and talking to each other. Somewhere between jake telling me of his and Bretts latest adventures, and the "im in me mums car" remix, I realized that this was it.
These nights did not come often, and they were numbered. I realized that jake would be gone soon, and this would all just be a memory. I think everyone knows that deep down, saying goodbye to a missionary is alot more than saying goodbye for two years. Two years from now, jake would be back, but its going to be different. There wont be a curfew to come home to, there wont be those late night talks and vines to show each other. In a sense, i felt like I was saying goodbye to my childhood. Jake & I have been through it all together, and In that perfect moment, at 12:30 am, while we reminisced and talked, and laughed, I tried my best to keep it together. I hated growing up, and thats exactly what I had realized. Jakey Bo & Indy Maroe, we were all grown up.
Wednesday morning was rough, and I dreaded it. I kept looking down at my phone checking the time, not ready for the emotions that go along with saying goodbye.
He said goodbye to my mom first, which was unbearable to watch.
He picked mary up with tear filled eyes, and it seemed as the entire world stopped for a second, while they hugged.
He hugged everyone, and by the end of it we were all crying. And I was so proud of it too. I almost wanted the entire airport to know the Severe's and what an important day this was for us. I wanted everyone to see how close we were, and the special bond we all shared with Jake.
He hugged me, and I cried. I cried for a long time, because im Indy Severe and thats what I do. I thought back to all of the times we laughed together, and all the times my parents forced us to hold hands in public -- the worst punisment either of us could think of. I thought of us wide eyed kids with our blues clues note books, hanging on every word as my dad told us the stories of Jakey and Indy. I thought of all of our fights, and all the times I wished he was never my brother. But then, he leaned down and said
"You know I love you ind"
And none of it seemed to matter.
I love you too, jake.